1 Month To Go!

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and have a little over a month to go until the little guy arrives. The baby weighs about as much as a cantaloupe, and Ryan and I are running around like crazy people in order to finish up last minute projects before our lives are no longer our own. Ryan is putting up trim in the basement, and I'm organizing the nursery and painting a few friendly garden bugs on the wall. Check it out!

The bug sanctuary and soon-to-be changing station.

Busy bees

A fluttering Monarch butterfly

In addition to nesting around the house, we are finding a pediatrician, lining up day care, developing a birth plan, and preparing our first child, Soma, for the arrival of a human sibling. As if preparing for basic child rearing wasn't enough, we are also figuring out our parental leave plans for work, developing a post-baby budget, and conditioning ourselves for labor and delivery (look for a funny post later this week on Ryan's experience with pre-birth training). It's all a little insane. Ok, it's a lot insane.


I thought it may be helpful to share my 3rd trimester observations -- physical, social, and mental -- for those who want to be reminded of what the 3rd trimester was like or for those who haven't been pregnant (e.g., smart women and most, but not all, men).


While I've been lucky to avoid symptoms like back pain, the third trimester has presented some delightful side effects including:

• Painful Hips -- Sitting for too long hurts. Standing for too long hurts. Walking for too long hurts. Laying on your side (forget your back) for too long hurts. You get the picture. Imagine feeling like your hip bones are spreading or moving to the point of near dislocation. I keep telling myself that it's a good sign for childbirth, but let's face it, hip pain stinks. When I get up, I waddle like a penguin and grunt like a weight lifter or a tennis player. Attractive, no?

• Heartburn -- Although heartburn is a useful excuse for eating ice cream, the cons vastly outweigh the benefits. Pregnant women make a hormone called progesterone, which relaxes the valve between the stomach and esophagus. This combined with the crowding and shifting of most of your internal organs result in food and acid reflux. I tend to get heartburn if I haven't eaten in a while (30 minutes or so), just finished eating, or lie down. Before I go to bed at night, I kiss Ryan and my bottle of Tums. Ryan is getting a little jealous.

• Swelling -- I used to think that pregnant women only had swelling in their feet. No way, Jose. I'm swelling everywhere. I have cankles, and my hands are so swollen, I took off my wedding ring out of a fear that it could fuse with my bulging skin. When you combine my swollen state with my waddling, I look more like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man than a real person.

• Exhaustion -- It's baaaacccckkk. Yes, after spending my first trimester trying to find any opportunity to snooze, I'm a walking zombie again. The crazy part about the third trimester is that all the symptoms seem to work collectively against you. For example, because I'm a swollen beast dealing with the discomfort of heartburn and hip pain, I can't hide my exhaustion very well. Need evidence? Check out the photo below for proof.

See how tired I look?

8 months pregnant and ready for bed at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

• Pregnancy Brain -- I admit that I thought pregnancy brain wasn't a real condition. Boy was I wrong. I am 300% more forgetful, flakey, and spacey than before, and it completely freaks me out. Some say it's the result of hormones and stress, but whatever the cause, pregnancy brain is a real problem. For example, I was the last to leave my office one night, and I forgot to lock the door when I left to go home. WHAT THE HELL? Old Darcy would never have overlooked that important detail. I've annoyed friends by promising to call and get together and then completely forgetting my promise. Let's just hope I regain some cognitive function when the little guy arrives because his life could be in jeopardy. I could drive off with the baby in a car seat on the roof of our car or in a parking lot somewhere. Sheesh!

With all the stress and physical symptoms of late pregnancy, it's no wonder why women get a little sensitive. Here is some advice on how to communicate with an uber-pregnant woman:

TIP #1: Lie -- I know we teach our kids to tell the truth and should walk the walk, but talking to a pregnant woman requires some amount of truth bending or even outright lying. For example, tell her that she's carrying the pregnancy really well and doesn't look that big. Sure, the truth is she looks like a planet with her own gravitational pull, but she doesn't have to know that. Tell her she looks fit and strong. Oh, and the "you're glowing" comment should really be limited to the 2nd trimester when it's actually flattering. Pregnant women in their 3rd trimester feel like they are sweating all the time even if it's 30 degrees outside, so "glowing" actually means disgusting and visibly shvitzing all over the place.

TIP #2: Don't tell a pregnant woman how big she is or when you think she'll give birth -- We've all done it. The fact is that telling a pregnant woman, "Wow, you look like you're about to pop." or "Are you sure you don't have two in there?" is a really, really dumb idea. As stated earlier, when in doubt, lie. There is nothing funny or cute about being reminded that you are huge and on the verge of exploding. As a pregnant woman, you feel that way every second of every day. Say something nice or keep your mouth shut. Your balls will thank you for it.

TIP #3: Telling a first time mom-to-be that her life will change after the baby comes is about as helpful as telling her that labor will hurt -- Experienced parents who are in the "club" like to tell expecting parents that life will be completely different when the baby comes. No way, you must be kidding? The fact that I planned having a child clearly shows that I thought life would be exactly the same before and after having a kid.

HELLO?! Planning for a baby means you understand that becoming a parent will require changes and sacrifice. The only thing such a comment accomplishes is freaking out a poor soon-to-be parent who is already a little unsure about the wisdom of their decision. Tell them that they will be a great parent. Do not tell them something they already know and feel insecure about.

TIP #4: No pregnant woman sleeps in the last few weeks/months before going into labor -- Many people say, "Enjoy your sleep now because you won't be sleeping at all when the baby comes!" I'm shocked that so many people think I'm sleeping now. Before pregnancy, I was a stomach sleeper, so the fact that I have to sleep on my side means I'm uncomfortable to start with. Add the hip pain and heartburn that I spoke of earlier and you can imagine my sleeping ability these days. If that wasn't enough, I also have to go to the bathroom every hour or so, which means that the minute I find a comfortable position, I have to get up to go pee and disrupt the whole process.

Oh, and don't retort to a pregnant woman's "I'm already not sleeping" response with the classic, "Well, I guess you are already prepared for a lack of sleep." Seriously, it's tacky.

Hopefully, this provides a little insight on the dos and don'ts of pregnancy communication. While the gritty nature of this post may be too much for some, it is much better than sharing the details of my bodily functions. That's for another post (just kidding!).